death

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Sun, 12/14/2008 - 23:18 — thequotedb

"I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. Well, what we have on our hands here is a dead shark."

— Woody Allen

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Sun, 12/14/2008 - 23:44 — thequotedb

"I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40."

— Judge Roy Bean

finding a pistol and $40 on a man he'd just shot.

"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2) Advising the President.
3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. "

— David Letterman

540

Mon, 12/15/2008 - 00:57 — thequotedb

"Poor soul - very sad; her late husband, you know, a very sad death - eaten by missionaries - poor soul."

— William Archibald Spooner

Oxford clergyman and academic

death
funny

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Mon, 12/15/2008 - 00:57 — thequotedb

"Biography lends to death a new terror."

— Oscar Wilde

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Mon, 12/15/2008 - 00:57 — thequotedb

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

— Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts