"There is one way to find out if a man is honest -- ask him. If he says "Yes" you know he is crooked."

"Do you know why God withheld the sense of humor from women? That we may love you instead of laughing at you."

"Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy."

"Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the former Galactic Empire, life was wild, rich and largely tax free. Mighty starships plied their way between exotic suns, seeking adventure and reward among the furthest reaches of Galactic space. In those days, spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.