"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, `What does woman want?'"
"Plaese porrf raed."
Professor, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
"After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations."
on Shakespeare
"Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary."
"I've just read that I'm dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers."
writing to a magazine that had mistakenly published an announcement of his death
"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."
"There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher."
"If I were to walk on water, the press would say I'm only doing it because I can't swim."
"Small earthquake in Chile. Not many dead."
forward as an example of a dull newspaper headline
"Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read."
"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
Quotedb: The Quotations Database
