"I was seized by the stern hand of Compulsion, that dark, unreasonable Urge that impels women to clean house in the middle of the night."
US Writer, Humorist, and Cartoonist
"I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. Well, what we have on our hands here is a dead shark."
"You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into shape."
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
"Can't you read? The score demands con amore and what are you doing? You are playing it like married men!"
criticizing the Austrian orchestra during rehearsal
"Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill."
"LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient."
The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
"NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient."
"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
"I thought I told you to wait in the car."
when greeted by a former admirer after many years
"Alma: I rather suspect her of being in love with him. Martin: Her own husband? Monstrous! What a selfish woman!"
"His borrowed plumes"
Quotedb: The Quotations Database
