"I got this powdered water -- now I don't know what to add."

"This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered french toast in the renaissance."

"I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it."

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."

"I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!""

"When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic."

"I met my latest girl friend in a department store. She was looking at clothes, and I was putting Slinkys on the escalators."

"What's another word for 'Thesaurus?'"

"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."

"There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot."