"Personifiers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!"
"She has the smile of a woman who has just dined off her husband."
British writer, referring to the Mona Lisa.
"I'm so holy that when I touch wine, it turns into water."
Muslim leader, defending drinking alcohol
"Frenchmen drink wine just like we used to drink water before Prohibition."
American Humorist
"It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required."
"Come, let me know what it is that makes a Scotchman happy!"
Ordering a glass of whiskey
"Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy."
"Apart from cheese and tulips, the main product of the country is advocaat, a drink made from lawyers."
British humorist and writer, referring to Holland
"So who's in a hurry?"
US Humorist, when asked whether he knew that drinking was a slow death.
"A cask of wine works more miracles than a church full of saints."
Italian
"I don't make jokes - I just watch the government and report the facts."
US actor and humorist